nccotus

the two chief takeaways of my existence are my son, Ian, and my acquaintance, at the age of about 59, with ALIENS

my husband, Alex, was a party to these two happenstances in the most serious ways. Obviously.

I have posted in pictures about the high holy hi-tech union that created our son. It was forged in such difficult circumstances for both of us. I did understand that it was difficult for Alex too but I was so preoccupied with my concerns that I could not help him.

one time, I forced myself through my OCD over tying my left shoe shoelace to save him and myself from rage; in the house in Perris, CA. That set the course of the rest of our relationship. It was around the time that God made Ian.

(I am that I am said the cradle to the pram…)

(waste not, want not)

(a whisper to me in Buffalo where he was born…)

(Buffalo: a city of ghosts: Ian almost was one, me, also…)

God ripped us out of Buffalo to go to Maryland as John’s Hopkins Hospital Affective Disorders Unit did its pudatory, excuse me, predatory work. And ripped us up as a family, FOREVER. Legally, one year = forever according to Taube whom I saw after the crack-up in Germantown, Maryland after the malpractice that went down in Baltimore and has continued until this very day. (“We will follow you.”)

That translated into a crazy move to Florida. I ditched all my maximum dosage meds (Stelazine, Depakote, and Zoloft) down to 5 mg Stelazine daily in order to cope with the disaster Dr. Taube predicted. I wouldn’t have made it all without doing so so neither would Ian.

crazy after that. But more normal. Hard to explain. About me. And Alex and Ian and how they were affected. Alex was trying to be good and just didn’t know how. He had some other agendas that didn’t include me. Unfortunately, I did get involved. And that has been the case ever since. Me trying to get out. For Ian for me. I tried to help Alex also. He calls his own shots.