nccotus

what a lonely life it was until I met Alex and had Ian.

i didn’t get it at first about Alex. It felt all wrong. Like I was being moved off the life I was meant to live with him. Whatever that was.

I knew it was about England (me) and Canada (him) in competition. I wasn’t able to put things in words together any more at all. I had taken my comeuppance at the WSH Lodge Program and knew that for me it was about being broken down as English in America and had to be picked back up off the floor as such. They had me down and out for the count. (WSH = Wernersville State Hospital in the tiny rural town of Wernersville, PA.)

Alex used to say that I was a “pickup!” Which offended me! But not in this regard. He said that English + American = Canadian. Which also offended me! I deemed myself English struggling to be American. I was struggling for a mate to solve my own identity issues. British wouldn’t settle it. I don’t think British-American would have either. Too boring. Alex was exciting (although rude. Canadians are.)

So, somehow, we weathered 21 years, all over the country, plus Mexico and British Columbia. It was a horrific time as we passed it but strangely oh so beautiful. He and Ian also toured Europe with friends Rob and Colin.

Alex changed through the challenge of staying married to me and finally I had to ditch it for him for his health. He was dying right before my eyes. And I was fading fast too.

But we have forged a swathe here for the British in America and how poorly they are treated. Especially in situations like this.

I realized that I have been picked on and bullied all my life and so were my brother an sister and my poor mother was too. Even my father. I assumed it was my Christianity. I took it personality. I let it hurt and confuse me. No more.

it was both. An English Christian with organic personality disorder has just arrived on the Eastern seaboard of America. ALIENS are here to assist. Do take this seriously. That’s how bad what has been done here.

I had a college boyfriend who was sweet but he lingered in my life like quicksand over my head, high and mighty. I don’t know how to break from this person.