nccotus

in 2008 I was put to the test by my parents over the race between McCain and Obama.

They pulled a dirty trick on me by involving me with their thinking and then taking themselves out of the US for the election, going incognito to an old friend’s house in England, and casting absentee ballots. They were accessible only by phone. No email.

I was left stranded.

I didn’t understand what was happening to me.

The upshot was that I was left helpless with my conflict over my profound pro-Black conviction and my profound profound pro-Life conviction, struggling to parse this out in Letters to the Editor of the St. Petersburg Times.

In the end, I started a blog, the original title was “Exposing Judith and Bernard” (my parent’s given names) but I changed that but I did expose them sweetly. Ultimately I deleted the blog in a panic. Shortly afterward, I made a horrific suicide attempt, an overdose of 3 months worth of psych meds.

After that I was painted as a horrible racist because of unfortunate language I used in an effort to intellectually explain out loud to Obama in letters to the Times that he just didn’t get it about abortion. I made analogies based on race issues. I didn’t realize how rude I was being. I didn’t think that anyone was really listening.

I heard innuendos at times to understand that things were going around about me but it was never really made clear. My father always blocked me from knowing and so did my husband.

Even to this very day my understanding of my ill fame has been largely subliminal. I feel the pressure and the brunt of the negativity but I don’t connect. I just want to get the hell out of this place to a place where I know what is going on and where I can feel safe again.