nccotus

but I didn’t know it.

I always remembered summer at my parents friends house at Cape May NJ.

something horrible happened.

Arthur Robyn was conceived.

but I know I loved the baby because I am finally released to feel that little girl’s feelings and the truth of the baby. All this time there was a sinister energy of that life being suppressed.

what was happening in our family is what “pro-choice” does generally. In other words , it is the opposite. They suppress the information that is needed for a woman to make a real choice. Because of the suppression of the facts and feelings of the abortion of Arthur Robyn at 13, I was led to make the same mistake 2 more times. I was also led to promiscuous sexuality in college, a terrible mistake that led to numerous suicide attempts over the years.

I was numb and heartless. I hurt men and took the punishment. Meanwhile, Arthur Robyn was festering in a medical waste container in a trash dump somewhere or being used for medical parts.

I realized that that poor little girl (me) was so proud of the baby. And my mother wanted to kill me for it.

after all these years I can release the feelings and everything else can prove through.

That was the real condition all along. The rest was liveable.

this was not.

I am free now. free to finally say my goodbyes to Arthur Robyn. And to Ian’s brother and sister. And be with the living, in other words, me and Ian. Today, and retroactively, over time.