nccotus

A Witness

I am fully alive for the first time since April 1986. The “ghoul epiphany” when they ripped the nerves in my pud in the ICU with a routine catheterization and I almost died.

since then, 3 more nearly fatal suicide attempts and two abortions. There was also an abortion when I was 13.

in Florida I felt alive but I was in so much pain. Fighting back suicidal feelings, trying to be a mom.

Here in PA it all came back on me in the worst way. Trying to fight the urge to swallow pills.

Now, I am finally healed of all this. I have hit the ropes here and have been forced to make peace with every part of my life. The goodbyes that weren’t said, the hurts that weren’t settled, the harms that weren’t addressed. I have been the victim of vicious hurts and harms myself and have helplessly hurt and harmed others.

Bad graduations. Sick, banal hospital stays. Misunderstandings. It’s all washed off of me. With the help of Jesus.

He IS the way, the TRUTH and the life.