nccotus

they justify my life

it used to be said that a writer writes to justify his or her existence.

I wasn’t able to write in the style that I once dreamed of. I realize now that with a broken pud (in other words, private area, like, “pudenda”—is that a Jewish term?), I would not have appealed to a wide audience. So, I had my blog and a few good poems. I became a devout Christian in my own way. I cannot attend church because of my sexuality issues. It is finally reasoned out that I have organic personality disorder based on a sexual injury in childhood as well as the wart-mole on my face that needed to be removed. Now both are relieved somewhat as are a lot of other things that were due to my unfortunate lack of moral, physical, and social formation as a child. All I could do was lay around reading. Yes, I had a horse to ride and care for but that was painful. It took a lifetime to heal and grow and half a lifetime actively seeking to find Jesus.

It was an encounter with an alien that gave me the confidence to know to reach out to Jesus when I was at the end of the rope here at this ALF a few months ago. I was so lost and confused.

the alien encounters have been ongoing since 2020 and now help me to accept about the weirdnesses about my life. Obviously my first priority has been to be a mother but the aliens give me confidence to battle the horrific obstacles in this regard.