nccotus

I just realized that the situation is manifold, the most important “fold” resting in the abortions.

I put on shorts today to honor the springtime and uncovered this big belly. Prolapsed bladder as well as a prolapsed uterus. 3 abortions, 1 when I was 13 that I blocked in a disoriented way until recently.

An abortion can lead a woman to strange experiences or jail or almost anything. 3 abortions inside the wart-mole problem plus being kneed in the crotch as s child have created this horrific life crisis and symptomatology in me at age 62.

I have a little peace in seeing it this way. The problem in my family is with attribution. The MH diagnosis and placement equals a specific guilty verdict in the family honor rolls and laundry lists and generally it is designed to keep me “in my place” with regard to some things that never should have happened and generally it was about keeping my mother pacified in this regard.

The Hopkins debacle was so profound in this regard. She (Judith, my mother) got everything she wanted and nothing that she or anyone else needed. It was over in a minute. After that,for 29 years it was constantly about not throwing out the baby with the bathwater; and growing religious faith as I struggled with this horrific ill in our lives.

so, at this point all this circumstantial stuff has to end. It is what it is. This crazy patchwork quilt of my diagnosis and treatment has been created by my father to satisfy his recent whims and needs. He was never hands on with me in my life exceot in the dirtiest way and has no business trying to orchestrate my life. His wish to put me back at the state hospital is bizarre. I have heard that you can’t even smoke there any more. There are several avenues of funding to keep me in a less restrictive setting and if he had the least shred of decency he would be pursuing them. Likewise, my ex husband.