nccotus

I loved the autobiography of Dorathy Day.

i read it when I returned to Harvard after a forced leave of absence after my forced year of service as I waited for rescue from the Presidency of the Advocate that never came.

i was destroyed by what came next. A horrible relationship with a middle-aged, New Jersey Jewish divorced mom Ph.D. psychologist who talked to me about whether I felt like people were “sucking off of me,” for instance, not even knowing that my father was trying to touch my breasts. And asked me to “talk about my mother” which was OBVIOUSLY SO DANGEROUS.

It was a terrible mismatch and I didn’t know what to do. It set me on the course I have be on ever since. It led me to cut my wrists in a way that was physically minor but psychologically devastating. I ended up on a psych ward and never left.

Dorothy Day talked about being galvanized by her experiences to become the radical Christian she became. I read her in a course called “The Literature of Christian Reflection.” The instructer described her as a “Holy Fool.” It was a concept I didn’t comprehend at the time. It took a lifetime to understand.

I was always blocked in my faith by that psychologist. Her name was Sharon. That it came to me through her when I couldn’t accept what happened there.

I understand that it WAS malpractice. It should have been addressed 28 1/2 years ago at Hopkins. Likewise, the Harvard Advocate experience. If not at Hopkins then in the follow-up.

Finally seeing clearly after all these years does set me free. Like Cat’s Cradle (Kurt Vonnegut). That’s how I beat Catch 22 (Joseph Heller?)

Scars:

They’re hard to see now but they’re there.

That happened right around the time of my 22nd birthday. (I am 62 now) It was the meds but also the sick shame of the meaningless diagnosis by the CHILD PSYCHIATRUST that Sharon referred me to.

Those little cuts loused up my nervous system. I had facial tics, my breasts were harmed, and I got a pinched nerve in my ankle out of the blue. And my feet started to be cold all the time.