nccotus

in Buffalo, in the early 1990’s, we lived on the corner of Kenmore Ave and St.John Street. My husband was wearing his t-shirt from the USVI of St.John. I was reading the opening chapters of the gospel of St. John. “Ian” is Scottish for “John.”

About 2 1/2 years ago (2921) I was driving down Easton Road from Easton, PA to the Horsham Clinic in Ambler, knowing that I could die.

I cried out, “God, move Heaven and Earth to save Ian!”

And it’s been that way ever since.

I am in recovery now myself and praying to live.

I am praying for everybody to let go of the wart-mole person, for good or for ill, even Ian. And let me live.

I wish to be a mother now in a way I couldn’t before.

All my life I lived for my children, not knowing it. It’s all comung together for me now.

I finally understood to put God first. That was the biggest block I had, to put Ian first, it blocked me from going to him as I needed to, which was with the help of God!

It’s hard to understand about abortions.

I was strugglung to raise those 3 children I lost, not knowing it, and I had been blocked from one in such a serious way since I was barely more than a child myself.

I finally saw to put Ian ahead of those dead children, and everything else; or all hope was lost. I finally could. In the car on the way to Horsham. I was freed of the burden of concern for my own longevity, a contraption that had held me down.

After that it was much easier. It was scary and crazy but much easier as God started to burn off all the chaff and blow out all the shit.

I finally reached my son where he was in my head, all those bad places. I can’t say whether it was healing for him but I know that it was necessary work.

I need him to know how much I cared.