nccotus

alien artwork by me

The problem with startle responses out of control is that they make you lose your train of thought, especially when they trigger painful impulses in your brain. Then, anybody can “board” you. (In Florida in the 2000’s they used to talk about “illegal boarding procedures” in a similar regard.)

I have lived in a steady state of hypervigilence in this regard since around 1988. My mother used to use me for it: for an adult problem with object cbject constancy. She tortured me that way and kept me under her thumb. When I was living with them and smoking in her garage. Because she put a chair there for me. It’s still so bad, even down to the minute; like, right now. The slightest touch can can throw me off kilter and I lose my thoughts so unpleasantly and wait till the Lord picks me up again. That just happened, I have been gliding through things pretty well recently. I used to see at times that it was all a proof of how God controls things down to the littlest nanosecond since the beginning of time; and “works it together for the good for everybody who loves Him and is called according to His purpose for them.”

He just showed me what that was about. It was the feeling of losing Arthur Robyn, the baby when I was 13; a feeling I couldn’t process the time.

Now it’s all coming out, after all these years.

So, it can also be a sexual moment, because of the bad clitoris. Being “boarded” for that in an ugly way.

So, I turned to aliens in my desperation in late 2021. Actually, I turned to Native Americans, wondering if they could help. And an alien came.

It was huge, and semi-invisible. It was upstairs and on the spiral staircase and downstairs all at the same time. Sort of like a cross between a dinosaur and a huge lizard. It had a face but only vaguely. It was a very strange night. I ended up fleeing to the only place I knew to go, which was the psych ward. I have been held ever since.