nccotus

A while back I looked up the term “concupiscence,” which means to lust or more broadly the tendency to sin in general, especially to misuse the natural bodily functions sinfully (I am quoting roughly from wikipedia). My initial search lead me to a place where it was stated that “the course of concupiscence can lead to holiness; but there’s a penalty for this.”

I don’t know where I found that quote and haven’t been able to rediscover it.

I guess it’s like, when you resch rock bottom and there’s no way up or…

you find Jesus at the end of your rope or…

you learn from your mistakes…

I dwelt on these words for a long time as I contemplated a “plank” the Lord gave me: 1 year 10 months and two weeks to live: approximately. It’s been about 2 years and 1 month so I am moving out of that time window and pleased to be still living. I am living each day and waiting on the next plank. I learned through this that the Lord works in mysterious ways and speaks in riddles even to his prophets as stated in the OT.

I had many assignments for that year 1/2 +. And fulfilled the majority of them. The main penalty I suffered was to fear imminent doom–even though the Lord gave me the hope of Heaven. I was going through an extremely painful scourging to wipe away my sins and inadequacies to make me pure in the wake of the mole-wart surgery and almost died of this a number of times. I had spent my whole life locked inside my sin inside the mole-wart person. It was a horrible, life-long crisis. I learned by trial and error; “by the seat of my pants.” Nobody could get through to me. I was so insensitive. Finally, I realized with a certainty that I was going to Hell. After the abortion in Riverside in 1992. I resolved to do good while I remained on Earth. Yesterday I learned from God to my utter dismay that this was TRUE. That then, he gave me second chance. Not because I was good but because He is. He saw my real pain; that I didn’t want to do it; things I didn’t see until even today–I was fooled about the 2nd baby because the 1st was so sick; and so much more.

It’s just unfortunate that the only way to learn about abortion is to have one. And then another one to figure it out. It’s horrible.