nccotus

i thought I was Job Femme. And Lazarus too.

Now I see rhat I AM like Laxarus. Being pulled off so many death beds, most recently, the Lamictal overdose in 2016. I asked and He didn’t stop me. I didn’t really know what that meant but I thought it meant that it was okay. Now, I understand that I was “sufficient to stand but free to fall.” I don’t know who said that but my high school English teacher quoted it. Obviously I shouldn’t have done that to myself. But the Lord showed me mercy and compassion. It was so serious. I almost died. And I stayed almost dead for the longest time. But I reveived real care for the first time in my life. No B.S. I had a one on one nurse, for the first time in my life, for months.

I was in care for two years, I accepted the medication, Clozaril, the first “newer” anti-psychotic medication, which I am still on today. My theory is that it works on hysteria in old-time, chronic psych patients like me. PTSD of the psych ward. I also was assigned a financial manager and declared bankrupcy. It was such a relief.

Recently, I also fell in step for the living of the chronically dying soul of the woman tortured by the clamped catheter in the ICU. I got up and walked after that. But I left my spirit behind, dying, on that table. It is hard to exlain.

My husband got stuck with that person for 21 years. I want him to be able to truly move on. Like Job.